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You are not perfect, and that is okay. Sometimes, even if you believe you can deal with things correctly, there is that stuff that you do that you are not supposed to. In most unfortunate events, you make mistakes often. You may believe that your ability is enough to support the ideal goals you have, but it sometimes doesn’t go that way. There are moments that even if you think you are great at being a leader, you miss out on understanding essential things.

“Leaders of all ranks view admitting mistakes, spotlighting follower strengths and modeling teachability as being at the core of humble leadership.” – Bradley Owens, Ph.D.

Tolerating People

One of the apparent things you unnoticingly do is tolerating people. It is where you let things go because you believe it is not something that can affect your capability of being a leader. Sometimes it is more on always considering things that benefit one particular person only and not giving everyone the same treatment. It is like you being unfair to the needs of others because of the focus you have solely on the one who somehow does negative things repeatedly.

Not Setting Up Boundaries

Being a leader it allows you to be in a position where you can make better decisions for everyone else. It is not about power, but more on the burden of responsibilities. However, sometimes, due to your desire to not wanting to hurt others from your decisions, you excuse yourself from setting up boundaries. You tend to lose control over your position to lead. As a result, you become someone who is not worthy of following and admiring.

Losing Dependable Grip

A leader listens to his subordinates all the time. However, it does not mean you need to follow all of the people’s suggestions and comment on their opinions. If it gets to that point, it only means you are not capable of creating meaningful decisions and that you exclusively rely on what others tell you. You tend to lose a dependable grip because you think you don’t have better ideas to contribute. It becomes a problem because, as a leader, you must be the one that guides and not the one that takes credit for the effort of others.

Larina Kase, Psy.D. says, “When we think of what makes someone a great leader, one characteristic that comes to mind is decisiveness. We do not envision successful leaders standing around appearing unclear and uncertain. Instead, we view them as people who are able to quickly arrive at their decisions and communicate the goals to others.”

Relying On Someone Unreliable

The problem with being too soaked in a leadership position is that you tend to rely on people. Regardless of their ability, attitude, and personality, you sometimes do not focus on the negative sides. That is okay, honestly. It means you value people’s good traits better than hating their negative ones. But trusting an unreliable individual too much is something you must stop doing. It only adds to stress and frustrations, and that is not a leader should do.

Joe Wilner, a licensed clinical psychotherapist, says, “The leader that blends these skills together is one that takes a strengths-based approach. Optimal functioning and performance come from using strengths. This is how people can maintain motivation, stay fully engaged, and reach greater productivity.”

Being a leader takes guts. You have to be the one on top so you can guide others. But you also need to be the lowest one so you can listen. Every responsibility is different from one another, and that goes to situations as well. If you find yourself making some of these mistakes, please allow changes in your leadership once and for all.

 

Leadership is about who you are, that affects what you do. It is where you have the potential to handle people regardless of their status, capability, educational background, and skills. However, sometimes, some tasks are too exhausting and stressful. That is especially when the people surrounding you do not intend to listen and follow guidelines. At some point, this particular scenario often makes you lose your confidence. You become unsure of your ability to manage things when they are in defensive situations. But do not let killer anxiety takes place. There are better ways to counter that.

Larina Kase, Psy.D. believes that “Great leaders understand how to balance emotion with reason and make decisions that positively impact themselves, their employees, their customers and stakeholders, and their organizations.”

Have The Best Self-Esteem

The most excellent definition of self-esteem is the ability to like yourself, no matter what. It is where you value the things you do and trust in your potential. When you admire and respect yourself, you are more likely to behave and perform better. That is mainly in handling yourself in very unpleasant situations. When you live your life along with your most profound principles, you are more likely to become great at handling not only yourself but others as well.

According to Stephanie Campbell, LMHC, “People often let one negative event impact how they feel about themselves overall. If you find that you easily fall into a destructive thinking pattern, it is important to develop skills that will help to bring you out of that dark place.”

Build A Balance Of Everything

Balancing everything is a tough task. It is not always that you can handle things according to your ways. However, taking the right risk for the right reason in the pursuit of obtaining specific objectives and goals helps a lot. It allows you to become better at analyzing, assessing, and avoiding stressful decisions. With that, you become more confident and capable of maintaining your role as a leader. The balance you get from handling yourself and others will help you in deliberately creating meaningful resolutions in uncertain situations.

Practice Courageous Leadership

Continually practicing courageous leadership, boosts your confidence. That is where you learn the importance of risk-taking. That even if you engage in a situation that promises no uncertain outcome, you stay calm and determine to try different things all over again. Practicing courageous leadership allows you to understand your limits and tests your capabilities to an allowable extent. That is, regardless of not knowing the possibilities of determining the result of your actions to an exact degree.

Understand You’re Not Always Right

Organizational psychologist Dr. Nicole Lipkin says, “A growth mindset is a belief that we can always develop our abilities further. The growth mindsets don’t view failure as a confirmation of their immutable abilities, but rather opportunities to learn and grow from the experience. Thus, the growth mindsets don’t shy away from experiences where they may not succeed because it’s all part of their self-development continuum.”

As a leader, you indeed need to be courageous. However, it does not mean that you should close the door and not listen to the idea of others. It is essential to understand that not because you are “the leader,” you are always right. Never be afraid to question your assumptions, and ever make conclusions based on one particular angle only. Avoid getting caught up in your ego and be open-minded as much as possible. It helps to add leadership confidence when you admit to your shortcomings.

Being a leader, you should be honest with yourself and with others. Always remember that there is a vast difference between confidence and incompetence. Note that your ability to see things differently is vital in sustaining a confident leadership. Therefore, you need to stick with your principles, respect yourself, be more than willing to listen, and take a step at a time.

Kou Murayama, Ph.D. has this to say about motivation: “Motivation is important in almost every aspect of human behavior. When you make a decision, your choice is certainly influenced by your motivational state. When you study mathematics, your motivation to study mathematics clearly affects the way you learn it. Despite its obvious importance, empirical research on motivation has been segregated in different areas for long years, making it difficult to establish an integrative view on motivation.”

People always hear the word “motivation” every time they aim for something good in their lives. But the thing is, it’s not that possible to secure. When you are not motivated to do things that are not inspiring enough, there’s nothing there to look forward to doing. Meaning, even if you “think” you are getting motivated because you have these goals you perceive in your head; still it’s nothing. Every effort, time spent, and energy becomes meaningless. It doesn’t sound healthy.

Every motivation varies from time to time. It’s not like achieving fixed future goals. Let’s say you have a motive to go to school, work on the daily household chores, do great in your job, and even pay bills on time. Perhaps all of these can become a motivational task. But, how is that different from any other goals you have in life?

“Understanding motivation gives us many valuable insights into human nature,” says Beata Souders, Psy.D. candidate.  It explains why we set goals, strive for achievement and power, why we have desires for psychological intimacy and biological sex, why we experience emotions like fear, anger, and compassion.

The problem with motivation is that it doesn’t sustain a level of standard. When there is an “unimportant” goal to achieve, it gets often ignored and becomes not-so-big of a deal. When things get rough and complicated to handle, the possibility that the remaining motivation left can turn into less valuable stuff that a person only uses whenever he needs to do something. In some unfortunate instances, it affects the things that people are passionate about doing.

A Waste Of Everything

Things become a lot concerning when you seek motivation to do the things that take a lot of time with little satisfaction. Let’s say for example you picture out yourself doing things that you love and eventually lose the interest of continuing. The act of starting a particular activity but didn’t care to finish it is one way to describe it as a loss of motivation. It quickly went out of hand because you somehow find no reason to proceed anymore. Therefore, the spent time, energy, and effort just all went down to waste. That is because the motivation to do all the work is never present in the beginning.

The search for motivation is comparable to a long journey. It is not instantly there. It requires something to light it up. It is not like you put it into account just because you know you have to use it for immediate purposes. It is never easy to get motivated. So when you don’t find that particular thing that makes “motivation” burn like fire, you can expect losing hope.

Unsolicited Advice

You can find a lot of motivational videos and articles on the internet. Somehow, some of them will matter. However, the large percentage of those encouragements won’t surprisingly mean a thing for all we know. That’s because there’s no such thing as “here is what you should do.” The only thing that will make a more significant sense is your willingness to push yourself in doing something that presents you happiness and satisfaction. That is how you sustain the motivation that you are looking for.

 

“What the chronic advice-givers’ suggestions—often gratuitous and unsolicited—typically betray is a powerful need to prove to themselves that they could deal with your difficulties better than you could ever be expected to.” – Leon F Seltzer Ph.D.

The visualization of the goals you want to achieve is helpful but not entirely convenient. There is still a part of it that moves you away from maintaining a healthy and well-developed mental balance, per se. And when you start thinking that there’s nothing good about working on things the hard way, you lose all the chance of getting the best results.

When it comes to the art of maintaining motivation, there is utterly no answer to that. However, the mental wellness you have can help determine the structure of your aim goal. Meaning, the opportunity to focus and concentrate on the things you do and want to achieve can have a layout. From there, the possibility of strategically working on success is at a high rate.

 

 

There are tons of morning routines that you can look for on the internet. It could be an article, a video, or even a podcast episode. If you have noticed, the majority of morning routines are focused on what you should add to it or the things that you should do. In this article, I will try to break down the opposite and focus on what you should stop doing instead.

Checking Your Phone – It somehow becomes a norm always to check out social media early in the morning. However, you need to stop checking out your phone when you wake up. According to Dr. Nikole Benders-Hadi, “Immediately turning to your phone when you wake up can start your day off in a way that is more likely to increase stress and leave you feeling overwhelmed.”

There are precisely three reasons that explain why. First, when it becomes your morning act to check on your phone, it affects all the possible energy to build a focused muscle. From there, you won’t have enough motivation to do anything for quite a few hours. Second, you won’t be able to control the habit. Even if you wanted to only check on it for five minutes, you’d end up wasting 20 or possibly go for hours. Third, you’ll end up hurting yourself. No healthy position allows you to stay comfortable while checking out your phone for an extended period. Using it for a long time gives you a bad postural position. And if you continue the habit, you can end up causing nerve damage.

Eating An Unhealthy Breakfast – It’s understandable that most individuals easily fall into a pattern they used to do every morning. And when it is already a habit, it somehow means impossible to change it in an instant. In most books, you’ll usually find things about how important it is to eat protein and fat-heavy breakfast. That’s because it decreases the feeling of anxiety. We all know the mantra: breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Susan Albers, Psy.D. says, “It can help to power your day like starting the day with a full tank of gas versus running on fumes.”

However, most people like to eat a lot of carbohydrates and sugar when they wake up. But neither of those things will sustain healthy energy that helps throughout the day. So instead of eating unhealthy, try propping up your meal in bulk. Make sure to add lots of fruits and vegetables in it. It will surely save you a lot of time, money, and effort.

Hitting The Snooze Button On The Alarm – You probably already know that this is part of the list. Whether you deny it, you somehow made this a habit. Hitting a snooze button means you typically deny yourself a good quality of sleep. When you are interrupting your sleep cycle and attempting to get to a new one after, you’re already making the morning routine worst. Hitting a snooze button is a horrible idea because it means you already failed to do the first thing you set up in the evening. Therefore, the motivation on the set intention gets ignored. So, make yourself a favor and get out of bed once the alarm goes off.

Complaining – Admittedly, a lot of people wake up in the morning and complain. It is an issue for some to get up early. Some of them complain that it’s too early, others think they haven’t slept enough, they feel exhausted and everything, etc.

“First, one person states a problem. Next, another person responds by offering suggestions on how to solve it. Then the first says, ‘Yes, but…’ and proceeds to shoot down the solutions offered,” explains Psychologist Eric Berne.

The problem with the attitude of continually complaining early in the morning has a tangible effect on your subconscious and level of motivation. It deprives you of having a positive mental state that is beneficial throughout the day. So instead of focusing on the things that you hate, think about some stuff that you can be grateful for the day.

You can always find the best morning routine that suits you. Information is widely available. But for those things you need to stop doing, make sure you know how to set it right.

 

 

 

There are things about people that I entirely do not understand. One of those is these individuals’ ability to hate me for doing the things I want to do. These people feel entitled to say whatever they want because they believe that I am not doing things correctly. It is as if I am not worthy of having the life I want because it does not fit their standards of happiness and success. By that, the option of letting go of me becomes their priority. But why is that?

I No Longer Serve Their Purpose

Yes, I know a lot would agree with me that there are people who love using others for their advantage. These are the ones who often believe they deserve everything without instilling too much effort. These are people who only see me as a tool for their convenience. That when I can no longer sustain the kind of effort I usually give, they immediately leave out of my life. They are often demanding, aggressive, impatient, and full of shit. These individuals are great to have when I can provide for them. But when I no longer serve their purpose, I become an instant outcast.

Diane Barth, LCSW told Psychology Today, “Books have been written about narcissism, “Generation Me,” even “healthy” selfishness. But when someone you have to deal with regularly is consistently self-involved and self-centered, they can make your life miserable.”

I Can Do Things They Can’t

People hate me because of the guts I have. Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT, says, “These people feel threatened by my capability of doing things all by myself. Those people are afraid I might accomplish things without having them around and not including them for the credits as well.”

The ability to control my life is something they wished to have. I become a target for insult every time I think about better ideas. I am not worthy of their time when I speak of the ways of how to make things convenient for everybody. I can achieve things without someone’s help. I can manage my life even if I am all alone. Those strong qualities I have are the reasons why they do not want to be around me.

 

I Don’t Spend My Money With Them Anymore

It is sad to know that people are born users. That no matter how much I try my best to become successful, I am still not worthy if I don’t share the blessings with others. Well, not that I should complain about giving, though. It is always nice to help and share your blessings, of course. But what makes these people different is when they only care for me because I spend more for them. It is as if I do not fully feel them, not unless I mark a price on the things they should do for me. It becomes weird because it feels like I am paying for stuff that I want to feel and experience from the people around me.

“When you doubt your own importance, you’re allowing the manipulations of difficult people to gain a foothold,” said Ryan Howes, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist.

I somehow understand a bit of the psychology of social relationships. But this particular thing is something beyond what I thought I know. People can have all the insecurities, desperation, and inconsistencies in the world. Unfortunately, not all of these individuals are aware of that damaging perception.

 

When you are motivating yourself to reach success, it is common to experience tons of discouraging moments. Sometimes these hindrances take everything away from you. It ruins your ability to think correctly. It wears you down up to the point that you can no longer function, and it makes you feel worthless. There is something about it that crawls up in you, which you can never explain. There is this feeling of ungratefulness that you begin to have without thinking about the good stuff. It becomes the number one problem in terms of achieving your goals in life.

“Regardless of the source of discouragement, it is there and the once great project is no longer getting any of your attention.” – Christine Hammond, LMHC. 

Discouragement And Its Effects

The problem with discouragement is the buildup of self-loathing attitude. When you often feel that you are not good enough and that the things you do seem unappreciated, you tend to lose control over your purpose in life. Discouragement takes your confidence away and changes it to something you are not supposed to have. It becomes an excuse for not wanting and trying your best. It becomes a reason for quitting. It causes anxiety and depression. It becomes anything you can imagine negatively. It never allows you to progress. In the worst cases, it makes you think that there is nothing good in you.

You know when discouragement takes effect when you tend to lose interest in doing the things you used to love. There are passion and motivation that drift away together with your reason for aiming for success. Sometimes the transition is not that evident, though. But after an extended period, discouragement becomes a thing you only choose to have.

Discouragement And Mental Health

The significant purpose of discouragement in your life is to make you lose your mindfulness. That is because it can ruin your brain functions. Therefore, your actions, habits, and even personality change when this particular thing hits you. You may not seem to understand why it does affect you that much. But to explain it further, it is all because of its damage to your target areas, especially your emotions. According to Leslie Becker-Phelps, Ph.D., “One common way to help yourself is to think of times when you were in a good place. When failure discourages you, think of when you’ve succeeded. When depression makes you despair, think of when you were happy. By itself, this can be difficult to do. But you can do it.” Check out BetterHelp for more helpful tips in case you need more.

Yes, discouragement is meant to sabotage your emotional stability, where it pushes the adverse effects to ruin your mental health. It shifts your focus to those unnecessary things only. You get angry for little reasons. You get frustrated by not handling matters well. You feel unloved. You become less motivated to achieve anything. All that stuff that makes you hate life and more. But do not let that happen. You should take control.

Takeaway

Discouragements are always part of your every journey. It is not something you can shrug off anytime you want because it sticks like hell. But you have to remember that it will never define who you are. It will not make sense when you know you are working and trying your best in everything you do. Discouragements mean nothing when you learn to use it to your advantage. When you look at it differently, it might become a motivating tool for you to go on. So let it stays with you. But, never allow it to eat you up. So if you’re concern with your thoughts, seek help.

Donna M. White, LMHC, encourages us through these lines: “So when the times get tough, don’t get discouraged and don’t feel defeated. Hold your head up, stick your chest out and find your inner strength to forge forward.”

 

Leaders are often stereotyped as people who remain in the frontlines, doling out orders to their subordinates while enjoying the profits reaped by the organization he leads. However, a true leader is far from this stereotype. True leaders care about the people underneath and around them. They are skilled in inspiring and motivating their respective teams. They don’t care much about the profits; what they care about is the welfare of their team and how they can utilize the abilities of their team members without burning them out too much. (They even have psychologists to help them out with their mental state, which then makes them even great leaders!)

Continue reading Good Leadership – Psychologists Can Help

We all know that there are different ways to describe a leader. There are times that these people are worthy of their position when it comes to handling others. However, there are those whose behaviors are way too problematic. That is why we often refer to a particular situation, people, and the working environment as toxic. There is destructive, derailed, and aversive leadership. With the existence of this toxicity in the workplace, there is a tendency that we might suffer from mental breakdown due to pressure and anxiety. So with that, we need to understand how leaders showcase the dark side of leadership. Let’s hear it from a therapist’s point of view.

Toxic Leadership

Dr. Marcia Lynn Whicker says, “The repertoire of toxic leaders covers a broad spectrum; it depends more not only on what they really are but also on how people perceive them.”

The repeated and systematic behavior of leaders, managers, or supervisors that violates the legitimate interest of the people and its organization is unhealthy. That is because toxic leadership is capable of undermining and sabotaging the organizations, goals, resources, and tasks. It destroys motivation, effectiveness, well-being, job satisfaction of the people involved in a more excellent production. Toxic leadership often results in consequences such as uncooperative subordinates, unresolved work-related issues, unprofessional working environment, and unhealthy contributions not only to the organization but to its surrounding people as well.

The most significant misconception about leadership is its power and entitlement. Not all leaders see it as a privilege. They often envision it as something that puts them on a pedestal. It becomes a price that must soon pay off. And when it gets to the wrong individuals, it ruins the idea of serving the majority of employee’s interests. It begins to state a position where responsibilities get disregard. “Toxic leaders frequently take all the credit for their team’s success and their employees’ good work,” says Andrew Schmidt, Ph.D. “They blame employees for mistakes and deflect responsibility for errors.”

Self-Deception

Leaders are responsible for taking care of significant decisions in the company or organization. They are the ones that cater and push for solutions in addressing current problems concerning the people’s duty and responsibility. That also includes the overall relationship of people to the workplace. However, part of the job is for leaders to master self-deception. It talks more about the destruction of the view of reality. It becomes present when leaders are unwilling to look and consider themselves as the problem.

“Self-deception at the most basic level is an inability to be honest with yourself. Self-deception is either believing things that are not true, and trying to fool yourself into believing things that are not true.” – Dr. Cortney Warren, clinical psychologist. 

• Not believing something that is true

Leaders in the self-deceptive state worry more about themselves rather than bring front an interest in others. They are often stuck with personal issues as a whole.

One primary source of toxic leadership is the idea of achieving an unrealistic goal. Usually, these types of leaders struggle to get employees to work productively. They quickly get frustrated when things don’t go their way. In most circumstances, these individuals’ waste time, energy, and techniques, because they believe that employees are to blame in the organization’s incapability to deliver quality results. That even if talented employees leave the company, it’s the employees’ fault. These leaders look at employees as lazy, incapable, and unreliable people.

Leaders with self-deception issue think they are hard working individuals and that they are great and all. They believe they are fair and working fine with others. They have this self-entitlement of doing what they want. That’s the reason why they don’t think that the company and the people’s productivity has something to do with how they handle them. They are not aware that the employees’ problems are stemming from their toxic leadership style.

The Unhealthy Attitude

Leaders are often demanding. Perhaps that’s because they believe they know everything. Most of them think that their position is the representation of status and intellectual hierarchy. Honestly, most leaders don’t consider following their instructions. They have this mentality that employees should be at the bottom because they don’t have as much experience as they do. That even though employees work hard and diligently, they won’t make it because they don’t share the same work ethics to become successful just like them. They don’t realize that individuals respond to attitude and not through constant demands.

Most leaders who are in the unbreakable position are the ones who don’t know when to put themselves accountable for something. These individuals often feel the need for justification. Yes, some of them sometimes apologize for rude and unnecessary behavior. But not all of them are capable of changing their ways toward their employees.

Leadership comes with significant responsibilities in helping, motivating, and caring for people’s physical, emotional, and mental health. It is not something that ruins other persons’ overall wellness.

It is not bad to admit your desire of becoming a millionaire to help your family and yourself. Everyone dreams of being able to buy whatever they want without checking the price tag. Hard-working people also look forward to the day when they can wake up without thinking of how to make money.

This wish tends to intensify when you get a taste of luxury at least once in this lifetime. You cannot sleep at night without thinking of what life’s like as a wealthy person. You want to keep on buying lottery tickets or strive to get a promotion, hoping that either will take you a step closer to becoming a millionaire.

Although no one will judge you for having this desire, you should remember that doing is better than dreaming. Some individuals are born with money – that is true – but many did not grow up in a lavish home or even went to Ivy League schools. They used to be regular citizens like you, to be honest. The only difference perhaps is that these folks did not do the following things that can prevent you from being wealthy.

1. Saving Up To Save

It is easy to remember our parents from childhood telling us to spend a little portion of our daily school allowance so that we can buy whatever we want even if it’s not Christmas. However, when the kids become adults and should various responsibilities, most of us tend to forget this ideology and keep the hard-earned dollars stagnant in the bank.

The reason why it’s not advisable to save up merely for saving is that the value of money lessens over time. You need to use it to be able to multiply it. Otherwise, it will be hard to obtain your millions.

2. Showing Off

A typical millennial receives their paycheck, goes to the mall, and exits it with expensive products. They look rich, yes, but that’s nothing but a facade. More often than not, they are only left with a small budget for food, housing, and transportation.

This habitual buying of wants – not needs – is what you should avoid if you are set to make your first million. Don’t worry if a colleague has flashier possessions than you do. It’s wiser to think of your future instead of showing off at present.

3. Taking Loans For Basic Reasons

Infomercials from banks are excellent at encouraging people to take out a loan to buy their dream car or house. The requirements and terms they set seem reasonable as well. Thus, many people grab the opportunity, thinking that it’s the answer to their problems.

The reality, however, is that this idea does not fly if your goal is to have seven figures – or more – in your bank account. That is especially true once you agree to pay a loan within 15 years or so since it then comes with a high-interest rate. The only time that it’s acceptable to borrow cash from any source is when you want to use the money for business and other investments.

4. Not Working Enough

We have seen employees of various ranks vacate their workplace and go home straight after their eight-hour duty is over. Some go out for drinks with colleagues while complaining about their exhausting day.

The thing is, there are also folks who hardly act in that manner. They sometimes stay in the office until midnight to finish projects or proposals that will allow them to expand their wealth. If that’s not possible, they bring their work at home.

Between the two types of employees mentioned above, the latter represents the individuals who are more likely to turn into a millionaire than anyone else. Not only do they avoid spending on unnecessary things, but they also try to be productive even during their free time.

5. Lacking Investments

Money is an essential commodity that never sleeps, yet yours may run out at the blink of your eye if you do not think of investing it. You see, making investments give you the chance to increase your funds regardless if you are lounging at the house or on a family vacation. You won’t have to work for money anymore since it will work for you.

Considering it will be your first time to fund something, you may start with buying stocks or shares in various companies. You can open a business too or look for new inventions to support.

Final Thoughts

The key to becoming a millionaire is within reach once you learn to avoid the things discussed above. We know that some of them may be far from what your parents used to tell you. However, you ought to believe that keeping your money stagnant in the bank is not always the solution.

Stay away from shortcuts, remember your roots, and always keep your hopes and intelligence up. Good luck!